Cherry & blueberry smoothie

My photography sucks... But this is breakfast today:
A cherry and blueberry smoothie.
Ingredients: frozen cherries, frozen blueberries, a splash of juice, water to cover fruit in blender.
Blend.
Watch kids running scared from the loud blender.
Serve.
Yum.

Practice.

I started going to a yoga class at my gym maybe 18 months ago. It helped ease the aches of the first couple trimesters of my pregnancy but I had to give it up when I was 6 months along with Birdie. Since she was born in April, I've only been back to a couple of classes. I just can't seem to pull all four of us together in time to get to class.
One of the greatest lessons I learned from taking those classes is that it wasn't just an exercise class or a way to burn calories.
It was a PRACTICE.
As our instructor would remind us at the beginning of class: it was our own yoga journey. We were not to compare what we could do to how others were able to handle the poses. Most of the class I was more comfortable keeping my eyes closed so that was easy to avoid. Our very first exercise of each class our instructor would have us sit and notice our breath. Don't try to change anything yet, she would say. Notice how your body feels today.
Don't judge how you feel, just notice it.
In talking with my therapist this summer, we applied that same practice to my anxiety and post partum depression. As I went through the day I was to take note of my feelings but not judge them. Notice and then let them go. That one practice has made such a difference in my recovery.
As I progressed in my yoga classes, I began to notice that poses that were difficult in the first month were so much easier weeks later. And simply because I practiced them. Without telling myself I "should" be able to do one thing or another.
Before I was pregnant with Birdie, I was training to run a 7 mile race. And when I started I couldn't even run one whole minute straight. Still I expected my body to be able to run 7 miles like it was something I did every day. How unfair of me!
I also seem to expect myself to stick to a clean, 1800 calorie (or 39 points plus the days I'm following WW) diet when currently that's not what my body is used to. I expect myself to complete P90X or a similar exercise program with ease, fitting in 60+ minutes each day. Reality is I don't even walk 15 minutes a day or do my post natal rescue DVD consistently.
When I look at it objectively it doesn't make any sense to beat myself up about these things that are not currently realistic expectations.
But just because they aren't realistic today doesn't mean that they can't be one day.
And so. I practice.
PRACTICE.
With every decision, every choice. I either strengthen my resolve to eat well or I weaken it. I either strengthen my body with exercise, no matter how simple, or I don't.
I have played piano for a really long time. I was teeny tiny when I started, but the past few years I haven't been as diligent in my practice. I have started using a book of drills and exercises to strengthen my fingers. I don't play them all perfectly the first time.
When I mess up, I don't throw the book on the floor and stomp off to eat a chocolate chip cookie.
No--I practice. I break it down into small pieces. Even at the end of a practice session I don't always have it perfectly.
And that's okay.
Because I know that the time I spent practicing will pay off the next time I sit down to play. I will be better (not perfect) because I practiced.
So. I practice. In every aspect of my life. I learn to apply the grace that I give myself in yoga and music to my eating and exercising.

Walk it off.

I have had this book for years. I have paged through it but not actually used it. It is a 28-day walking and strength training program. Pretty low-intensity plan, but that's perfect for me right now. I love that I just turn to the Day 1 page and it tells me exactly what to do that day.
Every day for the next 28 days!
Super simple--very little thinking. Perfect!
The journal pages have a section to record an abbreviated version of what I eat, then sections about how I feel that day. One section has you finish this sentence: one thing I am proud of today. I like that they throw a little positive self-talk exercise in there!
So that's my plan for the next 28 days! I'll follow the plan from this book and continue to do my Post-Natal Rescue DVD. I'll post on that later!

Hi, Rosie.

Rosie is 3. She weighs about 35 lbs.
I weigh about 185.
That's like me being 150 lbs and carrying her around all day every day.
Now that puts things in perspective.

Size 14.

Remember when size 8 seemed huge? And now it would be a hugely celebrated accomplishment!
I am wearing a size 14 right now.
I am nursing my four month old baby so my shirts are HUGE. I am only 5' 2" and definitely have an "apple" shape.
What's interesting is that I feel so much more comfortable with my body and comfortable with wearing a size 14 than I ever did wearing even a size 10.
It's been tricky dressing this post-baby body but I have embraced it more this time around.
I've been playing around with accessories more and trying new things. I feel mostly confident about dressing myself.
I had a moment last weekend. It seems I can handle the weekdays but then when I have to get ready for church, all of my old insecurities come flying in my face. I start thinking about how nice other women are going to look and how it seems everyone else is wearing a smaller size than I am.
After my little pity party (and after I found a perfectly cute church outfit), I was reminded twice throughout the day about how just because other people fit into smaller sizes or are more physically fit than I am doesn't mean they are any happier. Or that they don't also have struggles. I might be wearing a size 14 right now but I have been gifted a peace about my life that doesn't depend on my clothing size. I've been gifted an amazing husband, three beautiful girls, and more grace than I could ever ask for. I can say that "it is well with my soul".
A phrase I learned last year at the Hearts at Home convention: don't compare your insides to everyone elses' outsides. How unfair of us! This is something I have to practice NOT doing constantly. It gets easier the more I do it. But that is definitely a work in progress.
In the meantime I will stay comfy in my size 14s but keep working toward a smaller size because I know that's the right, healthy thing to do. Because I want to honor God with my body, and in my case staying at a size 14 means I'm not honoring Him in every way that I can.

New (old) plan

We have been working with our five year old on potty training at night. She's done much better than I expected. She is usually dry 5-6 nights out of 7!
One of the changes we've made is limiting what types of beverages she drinks. Originally, that meant choosing milk or juice for breakfast and having only water the rest of the day. It was working well so we got a little lax in enforcing the plan.
She had a few accidents one week so we had to reset our game plan. Now that she's started school, she drinks milk during a break at school and then has a juice box with her after school snack.   We discussed with her that when she is at home (on school days), she will drink only water to satisfy her thirst. She was on board with this plan until her little sister was drinking a Carnation Instant Breakfast shake. It was chocolate. (An important fact.)
And then began the whining.
And the crying.
And the carrying on.
And.....lightbulb...
We have identified Sweetness' issue and have come up with a plan that, when consistent, has resulted in many nights of success for her. She whines and she cries. But we stick to our plan.

Because when we stick to our plan, it works.

I have identified my issue (hello--50 lbs overweight!) and have come up with a plan (eat well & exercise to put it simply).
And I whine ...
And I cry ...
And then I throw my plan out the window.

So--new plan: stick to my plan.
(and maybe try the kicking and screaming whining method of my five year old. And stick to the plan.)

Day 1. (How many times can I use the same title?)

Birdie is 4 months.
Four months.
I finally feel "normal".
Well, normal-ish.
So I'm going to write a weight-loss blog. Which is kind of laughable. Because I am typically not good at losing weight. Or, more accurately, I suck at losing weight.
Until now.
Until now?
Until now.
50 in 40. Nine months up, nine months down, right?! I'm getting a bit of a slow start. Four months slow... Here's the thing. I didn't really struggle with my weight until after I had babies. I mean really struggle. Not the "I'm so fat even though I weight 120 lbs and wear a size 2 jeans" of my college days. And not the "we go out to eat all the time and I eat as much as he does but I put on ten pounds" of my newlywed days. Like most girls, I thought I struggled before but I was just letting insecurities rule my identity.
And now, after carrying and birthing three beautiful little girls, I really struggle with my weight. I am fifty pounds overweight. I am not that same insecure girl who thought she was fat because she didn't look like the girls on the magazine covers. I feel really good about who I am--who God has made me to be. I love my life. I've made it through some challenging days and am really grateful for who I've become. Losing this extra weight is something I've been hoping to do for a long time. I want to be athletic. I want my girls to be healthy and active. I want to feel proud of what I've accomplished.
So now.
It's time.
50 pounds. 40 weeks.