Saturday, August 18, 2012

Size 14.

Remember when size 8 seemed huge? And now it would be a hugely celebrated accomplishment!
I am wearing a size 14 right now.
I am nursing my four month old baby so my shirts are HUGE. I am only 5' 2" and definitely have an "apple" shape.
What's interesting is that I feel so much more comfortable with my body and comfortable with wearing a size 14 than I ever did wearing even a size 10.
It's been tricky dressing this post-baby body but I have embraced it more this time around.
I've been playing around with accessories more and trying new things. I feel mostly confident about dressing myself.
I had a moment last weekend. It seems I can handle the weekdays but then when I have to get ready for church, all of my old insecurities come flying in my face. I start thinking about how nice other women are going to look and how it seems everyone else is wearing a smaller size than I am.
After my little pity party (and after I found a perfectly cute church outfit), I was reminded twice throughout the day about how just because other people fit into smaller sizes or are more physically fit than I am doesn't mean they are any happier. Or that they don't also have struggles. I might be wearing a size 14 right now but I have been gifted a peace about my life that doesn't depend on my clothing size. I've been gifted an amazing husband, three beautiful girls, and more grace than I could ever ask for. I can say that "it is well with my soul".
A phrase I learned last year at the Hearts at Home convention: don't compare your insides to everyone elses' outsides. How unfair of us! This is something I have to practice NOT doing constantly. It gets easier the more I do it. But that is definitely a work in progress.
In the meantime I will stay comfy in my size 14s but keep working toward a smaller size because I know that's the right, healthy thing to do. Because I want to honor God with my body, and in my case staying at a size 14 means I'm not honoring Him in every way that I can.


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